Here are 7 things you can do to overcome jealousy and save your life and relationships.
Jealousy can be a lot to handle. It can totally ruin your relationship with your partner. The feeling is often very shameful, both for you and your partner. Fortunately, you can get more control over your jealousy. I am going to share with you seven tips on how to get in control of your jealousy.
Imagine you are invited to a party with your girlfriend. Many people are coming, and you are so much looking forward to the party. But underneath this big joy lurks jealousy.
What if your girlfriend talks to another guy for a long time during the evening? Or even worse, what if she dances with him? Close. Really close.
What exactly will you do about this feeling? Maybe you won’t feel like talking about it because you feel ashamed. Or maybe you are afraid that jealousy will make you do something stupid.
That’s How You Turn The Jealousy Down
1. Tell your partner that you feel jealous
The best advice anyone can give to you is to talk to your partner about your jealousy. When you are jealous, you easily get a lot of thoughts and unpleasant images inside your head. You imagine and think about things that you fear happening.
Say it! Say it straight: “I get jealous when…” Or: “I feel insecure because….”
I know very well that it is often easier said than done. It is an excellent idea to do. When you talk about your thoughts and feelings and put words on them, they become less dangerous and less heavy. You allow your partner to understand and reassure you. Maybe he or she does not know how you feel at all.
In short: Break the silence! Jealousy is only about you being so happy about your partner — and therefore fearing to lose him or her. You should not be ashamed of that.
2. Agree with your partner on boundaries
Maybe your partner is fine with dancing close to others. But it makes you feel insecure about where do you have him or her.
So talk to each other about your boundaries. Make agreements about what you both think is acceptable. Then you avoid hurting each other and maybe avoid becoming jealous.
It is also important that you come to a reasonable agreement. Find the balance so that none of you feel controlled by many rules and restrictions that you do not initially wish to agree to.
3. Talk to others about your jealousy
Most people are ashamed of being jealous. Therefore, it can also be tough to talk about it. But do it anyway, because it will often help you. Find someone you are comfortable talking to.
You probably find that they also know a thing or two about jealousy — possibly they can even give you some good advice and share what worked for them or what they have tried.
4. Write your thoughts and feelings
An excellent trick is to write how you feel when jealousy creeps in. Try to put your thoughts and feelings into words — do it for yourself.
5. Practice making peace with your jealousy
Do you treat your jealousy like a cockroach or a really annoying fly? Do you think you should chase it away as soon as it sticks its face out?. It is perfectly normal to react this way. Unfortunately, it rarely helps to declare war on your emotions. On the contrary. The more you struggle with your jealousy. The more it hits you.
It is way smarter to give space for your jealousy. Allow yourself to feel that you are jealous right now. Think, for example: “Yes, I’m jealous right now. It hurts, but I can handle it… and feel better again!”
6. Think about something else
It is important to find a good balance between accepting that you are jealous and avoiding that your jealousy will fill too much. Therefore, it often helps to find something fun and happy to think about.
Stay ahead of your jealousy. Do you already know that your partner is going on a wild weekend or a trip in the city, then why not make some appointments yourself?
Arrange, for example, a Play Station or board game evening with friends. Go out with your friends. Go fishing or hunting. It doesn’t matter what you plan or do, but what matters is that you get your mind focused on something else so that jealousy does not take control of you.
7. Get help online
Sometimes it is the easiest to talk or chat with someone you do not know. Get on any social media or chat platform where you can be anonymous and talk to others. There are also many online platforms where you can talk to psychology experts anonymously and get help.
Remember: You Are Not Alone
Many people struggle with jealousy. Some feel jealous once in a while, and others feel jealous almost all the time, even the point where it ruins their lives and relationships with other people and with their partner.
But jealousy is a natural feeling, just like joy, tension, fear, stress, and love. You should learn to live with a certain amount of jealousy, even if it feels absolutely awful in some situations! The important thing, however, is not to let your emotions take over you.
For many people, jealousy can lead to difficulties controlling their anger. When feeling jealous and lose control of anger, you might say or do things you will regret afterward.
In the worst cases, jealousy can lead to violence. Violence can take two forms:
- Physical violence where you beat your partner
- Psychological violence where you behave as if you own your partner. For example, you decide who your partner may see, if your partner may go out alone or at what time your partner must come home.
If jealousy makes you physically or mentally violent, you must get help. Please schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist as fast as possible.